So, I’m at a stalemate. Half torn between just telling guys “Yeah, I have a mini crush on you” or just being like ‘fuck it’ and avoiding menfolk all together. I’m addicted to the flirting and the chase but I think I’m scared of boys, not the other way around. I’m scared of putting myself out there, I’m scared of being hurt, and it is totally against my nature to be vulnerable at all. I’m basically my own worst enemy and that sucks pretty good.

I don’t know how to change it, or what to even do with myself besides retreat and try not to get excited when boys I am interested in show me attention. It’s just not worth it, and I’m not a door mat.