Author: Amb A Sinner

Amb A Sinner https://ambasinner.wordpress.com If beauty is pain, violence is makeup.

Current Affairs

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Ok. Well.. It’s been a minute. Or actually more than a minute.

I’ve figured out how to connect my Das Keyboard (It’s blank I’ll have you know) into my latest tablet.

My latest tablet was a gift from my husband, Michael, because I love to read.

However, I cannot read paper books anymore because at 34 I was diagnosed with macular degeneration. that’s fun. My eyes are pretty but they don’t work ..

So.

I have a lot to catch you up on. You = readers.

Do I even still have readers anymore?

My mother died last August.

My rescue dog, that I’ve had for 6 years, is currently 15 (thank you Embark!) and has bladder cancer. I just found out two days ago her cancer has metastasized.

My Father (and I through my twenties) live(d) on a farm in Santa Cruz. The owner of that farm was like a grandfather to me and an older brother to my father. He died yesterday.

I realize I’m struggling but I realize what I’m missing the most is my writing.

I have little moments of beauty where I think of a wonderful way to explain what I’m seeing or what I’m feeling and I have no way to express it.

So. what’s going to happen in my life?

Well I’m a federal employee and I’m scared. I’ve received many notifications (I see more on reddit than I get through email) and they freak me out.

I’m worried for my father because well shit is scary for him.

But what I really downloaded WordPress app for was to talk about my grief.

More incoming.

Dead To Me

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dead to me

Well, so, actually, maybe, possibly…this is 100% the reason that I wanted a laptop. I can sit on my couch while binging nextflix and update my blog.

My bff and I were planning to be all caught up on Dead to Me long before season 2 came out but as you can clearly see, we did not get that accomplished. As I start the episode post rehab weekend with Judy and her new boyfriend who’s a detective investigating the place of Ted’s death I’m just so pleased that I’m able to update this thing.

Have I mentioned that the space bar on this laptop needs some work? I mean it’s really GREAT if I punch the keys, but I’m so accustomed to my mechanical keyboard at work that this little squishy rubber keyboard is hard to accomodate. I’m used to /light/ strokes, and *responsiveness*.

Regardless, I would not complain for my free laptop. Something I will complain about however is my really really shitty internet that only allows me to watch about 10 minutes of netflix before buffering for 6 minutes. I’m not making a lot of head way. We’ve called, complained, requested assistance more times than I can shake a stick at (ok so only 8 times), but my husband is at his last nerve. I’m also at my last nerve since I used most of my data on my phone tonight face timing with my bestie before dinner.

This really cannot go on. When M and I first moved here we were just ‘renting’ internet from our local library. Between him, myself, and our room-mate (read: michaels’ bff since he was 4) we were able to keep an ATT hot spot at the house. It was not ideal. BUT IT WAS RELIABLE. Century Link is currently unreliable.

We had someone come out to our house today and they updated some fucking cable and APPARENTLY (according to M) we were getting smoking hot internet, for about an hour and a half and now we get some semblance of a connection every 10 minutes for about 15 minutes.

I CANT LIVE THIS WAY.

I need internet. I’ve needed internet since I was fucking nine. No – I am not old – my Mom was just hip to the internet before it was even anything more than dialing in to your local BBS. Ok on second thought.. Yeah I’m old. My 35th is in less than six months and at this rate I wont be able to have any sort of big shin dig.

This little laptop is an HP Stream. It has an intel celeron N3060 process, 4GB system memory, and 32BG eMMC. I understand the memory part but the rest is lost on me. It’s running windows 10. If you have any ideas how I can lighten the load on this little trooper, I would appreciate it. Like what is eMMC? Is that my HDD? Should I put in a TB card? What’s the deal? I clearly can’t adjust the onboard, because I don’t know shit about laptops. Everything is tiny and scary and I can’t hang. I’ll be honest.

Did you know only 8% of hit and run accidents get solved? I didn’t either, maybe Dead to Me is lying. But if not, The More You Know. BECAUSE KNOWLEDGE IS POWER. :]

Thanks for coming to my ted talk.

Social Media and Wheel of Time

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I’ve really been wanting to move away from Social Media. And I realize when I say that that blogging is included under that umbrella but I’m really speaking more specifically about facebook, Instagram, snap chat, even reddit. It’s just a constant barrage of information and opinions and a shockingly high lack of citations. It stresses me out. Instagram is not to bad, there really is only so much you can post on IG.. it’s picture based.

However, on Facebook I just find it incredibly frustrating. And it also makes me second guess a lot of friendships. People are BOLD on facebook. I’m all about posting things you believe in and will back up, but if someone posts something on facebook that is in any way controversial it is rare that they are willing to discuss it in person during a live action conversation.

Anyways, with all of that being said, I’m going to focus more on posting here and less on 144 characters or less. With that being said, the most recent thing I’ve posted on facebook about is my completion of the Wheel of Time series..

This is not the first time that I’ve read the series. This would actually be my fourth or fifth read through, but it is the first time I’ve read back to back book 1 through 14. After Robert Jordan died, I did read the following books that were authored by Brandon Sanderson, but not with everything fresh.

It was as good as I remembered it and honestly didn’t find the “slump” in the middle as noticeable. Maybe it’s because there were things I remembered, and things I didn’t, it was really great reading experience. I do have to say that it was a bit rough at the very very end. I forgot that I really only got to read a scant few chapters post climax. I wanted more closure. There was still so much room for the story to wind down. But, the story has to end somewhere, and I’m so happy it was able to end where it did. If it hadn’t been completed after RJ’s death, I would have been scarred for life.

Still, I wish we could’ve gotten more satellite books from the series.