Author: Amb A Sinner

Amb A Sinner https://ambasinner.wordpress.com If beauty is pain, violence is makeup.

Tacoma

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Weird right?

Yeah so I live in Tacoma Washington now. Strange turn of events. Long story short: Applied for an apartment. Found out Nov 1st (while more than a bit hungover) we got approved, packed up that day, left Nov 2nd. Slept over in Portland. Arrived Nov 3rd. Now I live in Tacoma.

I haven’t found a job yet, but I’m looking. I finally broke down and applied to Starbucks. I’m qualified and I need a job. Like bad. LIEK WOAH.

Haha. Anyway, hopefully I will stop failing at my blog and start using it again. I like having it and I need to remember that.

Oh and here are some pictures because I need to start sharing.

What the fuck

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Ever wake up and wonder that? Or put that infront of anything really.. What the fuck am I doing with my life. What the fuck am I doing here? What the fuck is going on.

I woke up this morning half way hung over from the Jameson I drank last night. I quit my job. I’m trying to move out of state. Being an escapist is a pain in my ass. But at least that is one thing I’m sure of. Beyond that I can’t answer any of the questions I asked in the first paragraph. I’m going to be 25 in two days. I might as well be 25 now. I’m starting to understand why old people say birthday’s don’t matter.

Old is old. I’m getting there.

Mike asked me last night why I was afraid of getting old. I couldn’t answer it. I just know I am. I don’t want to get old. I don’t ever want to turn 30. I think it might be because that means I’m going to have to take some kind of responsibility for my actions.. or lack there of. What the fuck have I done with my life? Absolutely nothing. I haven’t done one god damned thing with it. Nothing amazing. I haven’t changed the world in any way what so ever.

At most I can hope I was some kind of positive influence on someone’s life or maybe some kind of emotional pillar for someone when they needed it most. But beyond that, I haven’t done dick with my life.

I just seem to kind of float by.

 

There there

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I’m sick. This is day #2. I’m feeling better than I did yesterday, and yesterday was pretty terrible. It’s 100F at my house. Maybe that’s why I feel better. Maybe it’s not related at all. Mike will be here tonight.. sometime.. to live here. Well in Santa Cruz. My eyeballs hurt. Sickness is bad news.  I’m not worried or nervous about Mike moving here anymore. I’ve reached some kind of inner peace and acceptance about it. Or maybe I’m just so sick I’m deluding myself into feeling comfortable about it. It’s going to happen regardless of how I feel so I might as well go with the flow. I wish I could spin right now.