I finally feel like a normal human being again. I guess spilling your guts over a couple screw drivers will do that. Or having a friend as awesome as miss Mary is. I’ve been in this position before, I don’t know why my response is surprising to me. Instead of just suffering, I’m acknowledging that’s what I’m doing and in doing so it has been a lot easier for me to just relax and release all my issues. That’s good.

I didn’t update my Project 365 yesterday and I just realized it. Lame. I’ll just have to update with two pictures today. I’m pretty sure I passed a kidney stone yesterday. It was very instense and very painful but I’m in better shape today. I’ve managed not to call in sick at all last week.. not sure how I pulled it off, but I’m glad. I need the hours. I have today off and yay for that. At this point I’m exhausted from lack of sleep (thanks pain!) but I’m eating AZO max strength and drinking lots of water hoping to help my kidney’s out.

Mentally I’m in a weird place between not caring about anything and just being completely overwhelmed. I’m trying to stop my mind from going into lock down, which is what I do when I can’t deal with stuff. I just become.. indifferent. To everything, good or bad. It’s a great self defense mechanism but I don’t want it right now. I don’t want to burn any bridges just because I’m going mental.

I jumped off the wagon last night, but have climbed back on today. The booze didn’t make me feel better this time. I basically had a melt down at Mary’s house, and that’s okay, we knew it was going to happen and it needed to happen so we planned it. My kidney’s still hurt and I’ve had a screaming headache for three days but I’m managing. I feel better today, but still not grounded.

I still feel a little rough around the edges. I have tomorrow off work and thank god for that. I requested the last week of june off, hopefully she can make it happen.

Sid came to Mary and Kyle’s house and drank a beer with me. At that point I was pretty gone emotionally. Fuckin emo amber. theres an idea. ha. He made some good points though. Along with everything else in my life, he thinks the kyle thing is just now hitting me. I didn’t mourn about it before. Kind of like a PTSD moment. Awesome. x_x