work

MONNNNDDAAAAY

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Well actually it’s TUEEEESSSDDAAAAY.. but at my job it’s my “Monday” as in first day of the work week.

And it was brutal. I was super tired when I woke up but then it was slow and kind of anti-climatic at work. The day definitely drug along the last two hours.

But I haven’t smoked in almost 72 hours so that counts for something, right?

And I want a camera! I’m saving my pennies! There’s a few on my wishlist but man I wish I had one for my trip down to SC at the end of the month for my BFFs wedding.

Early Spring?!

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It feels like it’s spring already here in the Columbia River Gorge, as well as much of Oregon. I really feel bad for those friends on the east coast.. but I guess that’s why I stay on the west coast!

I’ve been doing tons of gardening. Yesterday I banged out almost the whole western side of the house. I don’t know when the last time someone lived here was. The gardens were atrocious! Two or three layers of dead leaves from bulbs.. So tulips or daffodils. And the roses. Oh jesus, the roses. They haven’t seen a good pruning in a few years I’m sure. I didn’t do anything drastic, but I did trim them up to force them to grow the right way. Not a big cut back, just some thoughtful trimming.

All was going fine and well until I found a mystery bulb. It looks like grass with long thin green leaves.. and then I ripped some up and they had these white bulbs. So I’m like is this fucking wild garlic? Nope. Lemon grass? Nope! It had no smells!! I have no idea what it is so I left it alone. I figure once it starts blossoming I’ll have a better time identifying it.

I should’ve taken pictures, but you know that whole not having a camera thing.

And then I stuck my (gloved) hand in dog shit and I was done. It wasn’t old. We don’t own a dog. The neighbors fenced in their yard so their dog could be let out unattended.

Fuck people who let their dogs poop in other people’s yards. Backyards no less.

Yesterday I also swept and mopped the entire down stairs, dusted from top to bottom, everything was nice and clean. I’m not a big fan of cleaning, but I think spending 3 hours outside in the fresh air and sunshine gave me a spring-cleaning kick in the ass.

Except it’s February. It is not Spring! I don’t get it but I’m not looking a gift horse in the mouth.

Lots of accordion playing! I recently took another trip down to the Willamette valley to see family and visit and my Aunt sent some more books my way to practice. So new videos of that will be coming soon to my YouTube channel.

I’m finishing up my pair of Jackalopes for my friends birthday in April. They’re watercolor and they’re turning out pretty all right! I’m happy about it.

What else? Well, I got a job offer from a local department store and I took it of course because I want a job. They sent me off Monday to take my UA and they sent me to the wrong place and I almost got lost but I didn’t and then I got hte drug test all taken care. Hahaha. I always worry that I’m going to fail even though I honestly don’t have a reason to worry. What if that one time I was standing next to someone smoking pot and I inhaled it shows up?! Yeah, dumb anxiety.

However, I also just got an email from a local PowerSport shop that I had applied to last month asking me to come in an interview. And I’d much rather work with dirt bikes and a shop than in the retail wasteland known as Big Box Retail. Guess we’ll see what happens.

Work work work!

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And not even paid work!

We’ve had a few sunny days here in the Willamette valley and my sister and I used one of them to tear off the paneling on one end of the Nomad. We needed to be able to see all of the water damage that the support beams had. It wasn’t as bad as my imagination lead me to believe but it was considerably worse than what you could see with the paneling up. I mean, it’s so bad that because we removed SOME of the paneling and the dinette it’s caused the trailer to sag. The door will not close completely.

M and I put tarps over both ends to keep water off the leaking windows so that’s helping any further damage from happening but we have to wait until it’s dry to actually start tearing out beams and replacing them with dry beams. It’s not something we want to have to stop in the middle.

I’ve also been playing with my feathers! If you follow my Instagram account you may have seen a couple pictures!

 

So far I’m pretty happy with my Beta testing of designs. I have a picture of my sister wearing the blue and black one but you will have to search through Instagram for it! So the pheasant feathers I imported from California.. as in my super amazing awesome Aunt sent them to me. She breeds exotic poultry. After receiving them I washed and dried them. The dyed feathers I purchased on Etsy (but I’m not going to tell you where because to be honest I was NOT pleased with my purchase and they’re dicks) and I’m fairly certain these dyed feathers came from a craft company.

They were tricky to make and I’ve never worked with wire before. Either way though for being the first time I’ve done it I’m pretty pleased with myself. I can only get better from here!

I still don’t have a job. Which is actually pretty OK. I am receiving unemployment which is helping pay for gas and other things while I search.

I’ve started dieting again. Except this time it’s not ketogenic. It’s just you know moderation. Go figure. We’ll see how it goes! My weigh in yesterday was 156lbs. Now I just need to hold myself accountable. It’s actually a lot easier with my sister holding me accountable. Hahaha.

Until next time! ❤

Welcome to bat country.. ?

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I’m on drugs. Lots of drugs. Prescription drugs though so I only feel a little bit like a junkie. It’s rough.

I’ve been having major back issues for about two months now. Work is being very inflexible and it’s only a matter of time before I’m terminated. Basically the next time I have to leave work early or miss a day. That’s when I will be terminated.

I digress, back to the drugs! I’m taking 5mg of valium three times daily. 3/325mg Norco (hydrocodone, vicodin, whatever you want to call it) as needed for pain but prescribed at every 4-6 hours. I’m also taking penicillin four times daily, but that’s because I’m going to be having a wisdom tooth taken out and they want to make sure there is no infection present. I was on prednisone but that prescription has run it’s course. I’ve now been referred to a neuro-spine doctor. Institute? I don’t know. It’s kind of bananas.

Not only am I not supposed to be driving while taking these meds, but it makes it really hard to be coherent. I work in a call center booking people’s vacations. I have to say though, the valium makes it really easy for me to never get upset when someone is yelling at me. So that’s a plus. The norco’s make me very ill though so that’s quite a pit fall.

M and I have put in our 30 days notice at our apartment. I’m still searching for a trailer I can turn into a guest house at my mothers place. It’s not going as well as I’d like it to, but when push comes to shove I wont be homeless if I don’t get it. M is working out of town and has housing provided by his employer. I have many relatives who have made it clear that I’m more than welcome to live with them if I need to.

I’m trying to be good with my blog! I always feel so much better after writing. Through the years I think my writing abilities have declined. Probably because my social life has become completely stagnant. I don’t have a digital camera anymore, so pictures aren’t as plentiful, and I never think about using my video camera because.. well.. I don’t actually have an excuse, but I never think about it.

I really really reeeeeally  want to get the WordPress.com premium upgrade. Domain name, full CSS access, space for photo’s and videos and fun shit. It would be so easy for me to justify it because “Oh man that would just make blogging so much more awesome!” and it would, but $99 is something I could be spending on, oh I don’t know, a place to live. Maybe I should start a fund raiser. Hah.

Am I Sinking?

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Am I? I might be. I think I am. I’m not floating. I’m not up above all of the day-to-day petty bullshit stress that used to just pass me by. I used to hear about people worrying about their bills. Rent. Electric. Internet? Not necessary. It’s not that I never had bills, but I was never 100% responsible for them. My rent was on time, I paid my part on time. Always. But, I always knew, it wasn’t me. It wasn’t all on me. Every single bill. For more than just me. You know what I mean? Even if it was on me, it was my shit. Not someone elses. Does that make sense? If I went with-out, well too bad. I will survive. But what if I’m the reason someone else goes without, someone who’s depending on me to be the responsible one.

It’s like, do you even know me? Do you see me? You think I’m responsible? I don’t care about my credit score. I don’t have a car payment. I don’t have credit cards that need to be paid monthly. If I don’t put money on my cell phone (Yes, I’m pre-paid because I don’t want a contract) then I just don’t have a phone. I’m ok with this. It doesn’t bother me. I sleep just fine at night knowing that someone might want to get a hold of me. It doesn’t effect me.

I miss Santa Cruz. I miss a simpler time. I miss living with my Dad. Why? Because he’s like me. Living mostly off the grid. I had a job so I had spending money and food. No rent, no electric bill, no internet bill. He didn’t have one either. I didn’t mooch off him. We had a fantastic partner ship. We lived well together. He worked on the farm we lived on and that paid our bills. He did his projects because he’s retired and enjoyed spending his time doing it. I lived with him because he didn’t like living alone. Does that make me a mooch? Maybe it does and I’m not realizing it.

I don’t think it does. He asked me to be there. I liked knowing my Father wasn’t living alone on some hill top.

Maybe my whole perception of reality has been horribly skewed because of the fact that I got to enjoy that time. Years of that.

I’m trying to get back to that. I just want a trailer in the woods on some property. Running water, a little electric, these things I can afford without being a slave. Another cog in the machine that doesn’t have an identity. I don’t have an identity. I got jury duty. Just another fucking number.

People have mid-life crisis’s. I’m 28. I’m too fucking young for this shit. I would rather be poor and happy. Happy and living a fulfilling life. Even if it’s poor, and I don’t have extra spending money, as long as I can get by and be happy it’s worth it. What’s the point of having a pocket full of cash if you never have time to spend it?

Retirement? Pensions? I’m the wrong generation for that.

I think I need to just get off the grid a while. Be the crazy lady with my garden and my cats, and dogs, and peacocks, and just dig in.

Yes, I think that’s what I’m going to do.