at all.

Okay so I’m listening to Lisa Hannigan (Listen!) and it’s making me happy.

I’m always amazing how easily my life goes from shit storm to perfectly okay. I guess maybe I’m just becoming very accepting in my old age. I can accept the things I cannot change. It just takes me anywhere from a few minutes to a few days. Haha. But I do accept them!

Mike sent me flowers at work a few days ago. (Pic)

It completely made my day. He’s pretty wonderful. I’m a silly girl, and I’m sticking to my guns, but I know it’s a lost cause. I definitely don’t want to be like some highschool girl. Lets break up. Lets get back together. Lets break up. Lets get back together. I definitely do not want that to be my MO. I’m fairly certain he knows I’m just a little messed up in the head and am trying very hard to get through my weird self-defense mechanisms as best I can. So I’m still single. sort of. Kind of. Technically?

I work 3:30 t0 8:30 today. Thank god. A five hour shift. I definitely needed this. The last few days have been brutal and luckily I traded a shift next week so Tuesday is my next day off instead of Wednesday. I hate working long stretches. I would much rather have my days off split, but I’ll take what I can get.

In other news, I’m getting pretty good at spinning (Video) Or at least I think I am. And by pretty good, I mean I’m still making progress. There are some amazing poi spinners and someday I hope to move to fire, but until then, I’m satisfied just to keep making progress. 🙂

Catch you on the flipside!

So this morning, on my day off, I got up super early and my father and I headed to the DMV. We arrived there at like 7:40-7:45 (it opens at 8) and at that point there was already a line of about 50 people wrapped around the building. I said, “Fuck this” and we didn’t stop. I hate the dmv. I HATE IT.

Then Dad and I went and I filled up his car with gas, par our rental agreement, and got some McDonalds breakfast. Now I’m home and I have absolutely nothing else I must do on this beautiful day off.

🙂

I don’t know exactly how I fell out of updating my blog. I was on such a good run! I think the sunshine and all the outdoor stuff might have had something to do with it. Possibly. Most likely.

Mike and I are ‘broken up’ but things are ‘complicated’ between him and I. However we have resolved any issues about it and are very amicable and still in a good place.

So theres that. I will update more I promise.

I really don’t have a good subject line for this. In the fight to stay honest and put everything on my mind ‘out there’ I told Mike that I needed a break from ‘us’. I needed to find myself, make sure I know what I want out of life, and recoup. That I am feeling very thinly spread being in a LDR and that it sucks and my quality of life has gotten away from me.

So now I’m single. That’s what I wanted right?

I think I’ve been depressed since I got home from Oregon. Slowly but surely it has been overwhelming me and at this point at least I can say I acknowledge it. Even if I don’t like it. It’s not that I’m unhappy here, because that isn’t the case, but I’m just SO much happier there. Mike makes me so entirely happy that without him in my life everything just seems a little less colorful.

Theres nothing I can really do about it, I can only bide my time. A problem I’m finding though is that I need to save money. And a lot of it. Except that when I’m sad, I drink A LOT, and now I’m spending excessive amounts of money on alcohol to offset my unhappiness, which completely destroys my chance of saving anything.

So now I find myself in a fickle. Any advice?