Hey, I’ve got nothing to do today but smile.

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Listen to me

I think by far today was one of my most easiest days at work. It wasn’t that I didn’t have anything to do.. I actually had quite a bit to do. I accomplished everything and I wasn’t stressed out. Not at any point. That is a relief. I think I’m actually getting good at my job. Maybe everyone’s high expectations weren’t misplaced after all.

I might be able to go to Oregon next month. I must admit I’m very excited about that prospect. However, on that same note, for one reason or another my mother has been sneaking into my thoughts. I’m worried about her and I don’t know why. I feel like something is wrong. Hopefully I am totally mistaken about that.

However, in order to leave this blog on a good note, I wake up every morning with a smile on my face because I am loved. ❤ Hopefully I can see him soon.

I was happier then..

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Listen to Me

Gold teeth and a curse for this town were all in my mouth.
Only, i don’t know how they got out, dear.
Turn me back into the pet that i was when we met.
I was happier then with no mind-set.

And if you’d ‘a took to me like
A gull takes to the wind.
Well, i’d ‘a jumped from my tree
And i’d a danced like the king of the eyesores
And the rest of our lives would ‘a fared well.

New slang when you notice the stripes, the dirt in your fries.
Hope it’s right when you die, old and bony.
Dawn breaks like a bull through the hall,
Never should have called
But my head’s to the wall and i’m lonely.

And if you’d ‘a took to me like
A gull takes to the wind.
Well, i’d ‘a jumped from my tree
And i’d a danced like the kind of the eyesores
And the rest of our lives would ‘a fared well.

God speed all the bakers at dawn may they all cut their thumbs,
And bleed into their buns ’till they melt away.

I’m looking in on the good life i might be doomed never to find.
Without a trust or flaming fields am i too dumb to refine?
And if you’d ‘a took to me like
Well i’d a danced like the queen of the eyesores
And the rest of our lives would ‘a fared well.

Not forgotten, just misplaced

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I haven’t forgotten you silent listener. My thoughts betray my indifference.

I’ve come to another one those crossroads in life that have no easily determined right or wrong path. I could go one way, or I could go another. Of course there are so many small details that pull me one way and then pull me another. Do I stay where I am stable? Or do I jump into something that could potentially have the greatest rewards or most dire consequences? For now, I remain still. Trying not to face the fact that a choice will need to be made before I spread myself far too thing.

I don’t hate my job, but I hate that I don’t like it either. I think this is the plight of adulthood.. but it shouldn’t be. At least, I don’t believe it should be. However, everyone has to grow up eventually. I just didn’t expect to have to until I was 30. I can’t be a woman-child forever I guess. At least not on the out side.

It’s amazing how quickly everything can change. I say that so often that I feel my life is in a constant state of flux. I think everyone’s is though. One moment you know exactly who you are and what you want out of life and then the next moment your priorities are totally different and you’re at a loss at how to proceed. I love and hate it at the same time. But then, I am a masochist, so it is to be expected.

Quick Update

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I’m going to make this fast. I didn’t have internet for a month so quite few things have changed.

I got better! I’m not dead and I’m no longer sick. About 10 days into the illness it started getting better and I was working on day 13. I still don’t know what it was, and neither do my doctors, but it’s gone now.

I got a promotion! I now work in Aptos, California. I’m the Starbucks department manager inside of their Safeway.

I’ve also had my heart stolen. He’s bringing it to visit in a week.

I’m sick.

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I’m sick. The doctors don’t know what’s wrong with me. And it’s progressively getting worse. It’s not cancer, so don’t go all “I’ll pray for you” bullshit. But it’s definitely something gnarly. They think it’s mononucleosis. I go back in on friday for another blood panel and lymphnode count thing. It’s painful and shitty. I have proof:

Evidence #1
Evidence #2
(Hopefully those links work)

I’ve been bed ridden since Saturday. Ive been into work twice. The first time was on saturday to pick up a prescription for strep throat and tell them I couldn’t work for a day because I was contageous. On Monday, the day I was supposed to return to work, I still had a fever so I went back to the doc and turns out their ASSUMPTION that I had strep was indeed incorrect.

Five hours of suckage in the ER and now they’re GUESSING it’s Mono. They believe it’s too early in the sickness for it to be showing in my blood. Well awesome. I go back in on friday for similar treatment. Lots of needles stuck in my veins. Oh joy.

I very well could spend all this time sleeping but I feel like shit when I wake up. My dad is awesome for constantly providing me with my much needed energy drinks and otter pops.

I’ve been playing Zelda: Twilight Princess for my GameCube (that I got in oregon) and have been thanking Mike subconsciously for buying me the memory card while we were at GameStop. If I didn’t have a way to save my many days housebound would be quite pitiful.

I’ve also been reading Questionable Content nonstop. I’ve read up to #1298 in three days. Yes, it’s fucking a good webcomic. Yes, I highly recommend it to you. Especially since Faye is my comic alter ego. Haha Sort of.

I miss being outside. I miss my friends. I miss having a life. OMG I feel like the boy in the bubble. Did I mention that my internet could be getting turned off at any time? Lucky for me I worked for a week before becoming Typhoid Amber so I get paid tomorrow. Yes, a large chunk is going to comcast for my enjoyment.

Did I mention that if I have mono I’m out for six weeks? Hello disability.

I’ll probably just spend my checks on hookers and debauchery anyway.