Had girls night last night with Katie and Andrea. Dre (andrea’s homie) showed up later in the night with some Pizza from her work (Pizza My Heart yum yum).Katie, Andrea, and I had already finished a bottle of Bacardi by the time Dre showed up. It was a great night. Katie and I talked about boys. Apparently I shouldn’t completely write off Julian, and I should write off Luke. Weird. So I’ve been chewing on that most of the day. I think I’d rather just write all boys off and just do what I do.
wtf mate
I talked to Kyle (MY HUSBAND argh x_x) today before work. It was a weird and pretty surreal conversation. We were friendly. We made a bit of peace, considering the last time we talked it didn’t end well. Anyway, I’ve got a lot on my mind now because of it. We talked a bit about people we had been seeing, or liked or whatever. Ex’s per se. He has an exgirlfriend, I personally haven’t been anyone’s “girlfriend” since we split, but you get the idea.
I told him about the issues I’ve been having with men. The many degree’s of “issues.” The ones I like don’t like me, the one’s who like me I don’t care for. And then all the grey area in between. He gave me great ego boosts but also made me really depressed. Two sides of the same coin, I suppose.
He proceeded to tell me all the great things about myself, that he loves in me. It reminded me that I am an awesome person. The depth of my personality is incredible and I am wonderful in so many ways. That sounds really egotistical for me to say, but it’s what he said. So then the depressing part for me, is that I wonder if anyone will ever appreciate my quirks and oddities the way he does. Will anyone ever love me the way he did? Or at all? I know these are natural things to ask yourself when you’ve left a long term relationship, but man. I feel like I’m beating a dead horse every time I deal with a guy.
Besides that, I feel like I am so completely guarded emotionally that no one will ever get the chance to know me the way he did. I’m so completely scared of being hurt again that I refuse to give someone the opportunity to do it, and in the process I’m quite possibly sabotaging my own happiness.
So yeah, that’s what I’m chewing on right now.
Great America!
Well yesterday was the Epic Great America trip. Katie, Jake, Andrea, Caylee, Alan and I all met up at Safeway at 9am and were on the road by 9:30. We got to the park around 10am and was there until it closed at 10pm. We had a great day. Lots of pictures. SEA (Safeway Employee Association) had this huge lunch thing catered and we hit that up around 6. It was pretty sweet. Lots of pictures on Facebook. 😀
Crazy Days
I almost forgot about my blog! Almost. Okay not really. I’ve been thinking about it but I haven’t managed to fandangle enough time or motivation to update it. A lot has happened since thursday!
Thursday I worked, and got paid. Yay money. I ended up going to Sir Froggy’s with Kyle (mary’s bf {jamba}) and Tofi (Deli) to sing Karaoke. Good times. We got plastered. Hobbs and his friend Joe showed up around 11:30 and drank with us a little. Hobbs and I dropped off Joe and then proceeded to go have a mini party off highway 9. Lucky the cops didn’t roll us.
We hit up Denny’s at like 10 am. Haven’t slept. Still mostly fucked up. I have friday off though so woot for that. I get to sleep at about 4pm and wake up at 11 am today. ARgh That’s okay though! The only thing wrong with me is this cold I’ve been fighting off for a few days. ouch. Stuffy nose, sneezing, and coughing. I’m kind of gross.
I see Jimmy (Luke’s homie) of all people, at Safeway when I go in early. I went in early because I decided to return a USB hub I really didn’t need. Anyways, so I eat lunch with jimmy and have a good time of it. He seems super cool, plus he’s pretty cute. So that was nice. We went over to best buy to harass Luke and check out his new tattoos. They’re beautiful.
I go in and work. Feel like crap. Work more. Hobbs comes in and see’s me. We hang out, then later Luke comes in and we BS for about 5 mins then whatever. I’m home now. Sick still, but at least I have beer.
Tomorrow is GREAT AMERICA day with all my slaveway partners.. Should be greatness.
Great Wednesday
I am having a most fabulous day. Last night I spent $70 at hottpic.com and that was after I got a $20 discount.. yay promo codes. So retail therapy totally helped me feel better. I love my new bikini (http://twitpic.com/9py7q). It has a fucking hootie hoo owl on it and I adore it. I feel really comfortable in it too which is good for my ego. My selfesteem has been really low lately due to some dramatics in my life but things are good now.
I’ve gone back into full induction atkins again. I want the weight to be gone, I’m just flat out over this crap. I don’t think I’m fat. I’m sure I look fine. But 155 is a far cry from the 130 I was a year ago. I want it back. NAO.
Luke came up and ate lunch while I tanned today before he went to work. It was fun. I like having people hang out with me at my house. It’s not so terrible. My dad is doing massive remodeling type stuff on the outside.. like he fucking built a deck in two days and has garden fever. I like it. 🙂
20,000 Underneath the Sea 