writing

JUNE 2026

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Well, June.

What do I say to June? It’s the first month of Summer. It could be the wellspring and opening of gates. Glorious.

Instead it’s the beginning of a smoke ridden nightosphere that is known as Oregon.

Lets catch up on somethings. My husband M now lives in Seattle while I still reside in the Columbia Gorge. Sounds dramatic!! It’s not. We’ve had to do many a long distance stints while he was getting his career aligned with fisheries related occupations that it doesn’t even phase me anymore. Frankly, I don’t mind the alone time.

There are struggles, but M is not the source of them. I miss my Mother, my dog, my happiness. Work has me filling two and a half positions, which equates to 100 work hours a week, and I’m balancing at 50. I’m exhausted. On top of the work duties I squeeze into my 50 hour work week my weekends are booked.

This weekend, Juneteenth holiday, I have my annual girls trip. We are heading out to ZigZag, Oregon to a lovely cabin. Many pics incoming.

Then it’s the work holiday Party.

then it’s my trip to seattle.

then then tehn tehn tehntehasehjdt;galsidhga’esdpg

My house is a mess. I do my best to keep my life and clothes clean, but jesus, the chores are never ending.

I’m realizing how often I took my husband for granted. The things he did because my depression made me incapable. I’m slowly remembering all of the hobbies I had that my depression separated me from. I’m not ready to dive back into those hobbies, but, I’m getting there.

As always, I miss my Mother. There is family drama that I am unwilling or unable to detail out. However I feel it would’ve been nipped in the bud had my mother still be present. She didn’t suffer any fools.

xoxo
Amb

Dead To Me

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dead to me

Well, so, actually, maybe, possibly…this is 100% the reason that I wanted a laptop. I can sit on my couch while binging nextflix and update my blog.

My bff and I were planning to be all caught up on Dead to Me long before season 2 came out but as you can clearly see, we did not get that accomplished. As I start the episode post rehab weekend with Judy and her new boyfriend who’s a detective investigating the place of Ted’s death I’m just so pleased that I’m able to update this thing.

Have I mentioned that the space bar on this laptop needs some work? I mean it’s really GREAT if I punch the keys, but I’m so accustomed to my mechanical keyboard at work that this little squishy rubber keyboard is hard to accomodate. I’m used to /light/ strokes, and *responsiveness*.

Regardless, I would not complain for my free laptop. Something I will complain about however is my really really shitty internet that only allows me to watch about 10 minutes of netflix before buffering for 6 minutes. I’m not making a lot of head way. We’ve called, complained, requested assistance more times than I can shake a stick at (ok so only 8 times), but my husband is at his last nerve. I’m also at my last nerve since I used most of my data on my phone tonight face timing with my bestie before dinner.

This really cannot go on. When M and I first moved here we were just ‘renting’ internet from our local library. Between him, myself, and our room-mate (read: michaels’ bff since he was 4) we were able to keep an ATT hot spot at the house. It was not ideal. BUT IT WAS RELIABLE. Century Link is currently unreliable.

We had someone come out to our house today and they updated some fucking cable and APPARENTLY (according to M) we were getting smoking hot internet, for about an hour and a half and now we get some semblance of a connection every 10 minutes for about 15 minutes.

I CANT LIVE THIS WAY.

I need internet. I’ve needed internet since I was fucking nine. No – I am not old – my Mom was just hip to the internet before it was even anything more than dialing in to your local BBS. Ok on second thought.. Yeah I’m old. My 35th is in less than six months and at this rate I wont be able to have any sort of big shin dig.

This little laptop is an HP Stream. It has an intel celeron N3060 process, 4GB system memory, and 32BG eMMC. I understand the memory part but the rest is lost on me. It’s running windows 10. If you have any ideas how I can lighten the load on this little trooper, I would appreciate it. Like what is eMMC? Is that my HDD? Should I put in a TB card? What’s the deal? I clearly can’t adjust the onboard, because I don’t know shit about laptops. Everything is tiny and scary and I can’t hang. I’ll be honest.

Did you know only 8% of hit and run accidents get solved? I didn’t either, maybe Dead to Me is lying. But if not, The More You Know. BECAUSE KNOWLEDGE IS POWER. :]

Thanks for coming to my ted talk.